finished story
Viewpoint from a police dog. The animals converse with each other. The police dog can help his partner (policeman) solve crimes by finding clues from the animals who witnessed the crime. One time a crook kidnaps the police dog because he figures out that the dog is the reason all the bad guys keep getting caught. The dog has to find a way to escape before the crook can do anything bad.
What I have so far:
Shadows spattered like ink under the red and gold of the autumn trees. Busily pursuing a nut, a squirrel slid up an almost leafless bough and retrieved an acorn. It scampered back down the trunk, headed for its stash of nuts, and practically landed on the dog that was sitting patiently below.
It was a huge German shepherd, black and tawny gold, tail curled precisely around its four paws and its ears tipped forward, focused on the squirrel. Tipping its black and gold head to one side, it said, "When was the last time you saw the Lawsens' little boy?"
The squirrel looked toward the white Victorian - style house, just visible through the trees.
"I remember distinctly being chased off of their front porch with a stick yesterday morning," it said. "The boy chased me. The older one. The little one was watching from behind."
The dog snorted.
"That's what you get for trying to steal their peanuts." He scratched behind his ear with a hind paw. "You seen him since then? The little one, I mean."
"No. He missing? There was such a commotion over there last night it woke me up all the way in my nest."
"Yeah. Apparently Mrs, Lawsen went in to check on the boys and he wasn't there. They share a room, too. It's hard to figure he could just disappear like that without his brother even noticing." The dog stood up. "Do you know where the owl stays during the day?"
"Hah. If I knew I still wouldn’t go near it."
The dog rolled his eyes and wove away through the trees.
Officer Frank Harrison was greatly perturbed.
The way the remaining family told there story, it was as if their youngest son had evaporated. Nothing had awakened his older brother during the night, though they shared a room upstairs. The parents hadn't heard anything from their room downstairs. The boys' bedroom showed no sign of a struggle. The family dog, sleeping on her fluffy pillow on the foyer, hadn't raised an alarm.
"When was the last time you saw him?" He asked Mr. and Mrs. Lawsen.
"After dinner when we tucked him in. Brian noticed that he wasn't in his bed when he woke up during the night. He couldn't find him anywhere in the house, so he tried the outhouse."
"Outhouse?"
"Yeah. We upgraded from a hole in the ground, but we don't have the money or time to move the facilities indoors just yet."
"Well, that opens up a whole new spectrum of possibilities. If you'll excuse me."
Harrison strolled back towards his car. He pulled a dog whistle from his pocket and discreetly blew into it. In a matter of minutes, the gold and black dog came trotting out of the trees and towards the car. Pretending to be looking through papers for the Lawsens' sake, he quickly informed the dog on the latest turn of events.
"They have an outhouse instead of an indoor bathroom," he explained. "The boy very well could have been picked up, that is to say, kidnapped, on his way either to or from the outhouse. That would explain why their dog didn't make a fuss, and why no one heard a commotion." The dog sat patiently, apparently listening. "I want you to go sniff around the outhouse. If his scent is there recently, I want you to let me know. Then I want you to go back and see if you can sniff out a potential suspect. Anyone's scent who doesn't live here. If you know them, even better. Get to work."
Harrison got out of the car, gave the dog a piece of jerky, and made his way back to where the Lawsens were standing.
After chewing on the jerky, Shiloh sniffed around the truck's wheels for any scraps before setting off at a lazy foxtrot. He made his way towards the back of the house, sniffing with vague interest at the various different plants lining the house. Turning the corner to the back of the house, he could see the outhouse down the yard a little ways, right up against the treeline. He trotted up the steps to the back door to sniff around, and was promptly attacked. His only warning was a scratching of claws on the planks before he got a facefull of claws and teeth. Yelping, he shook his head until the thing flew off. It bolted under the bench swing and stared at him with glowing yellow eyes.
It was a cat.
His first instinct was to eat it. But he had a job to do, and this cat might be able to help.
"Did you see the kidnapping?" He decided it was better to get to the point.
The cat relaxed almost imperceptibly. "So you're not on her side?"
This vaguely bothered Shiloh. "Her?"
"Yeah. The one who took the little boy."
"You saw her?"
"Yeah. I know where she is right now. She has the little boy… It's not far from here."
Shiloh stood still. Fate seemed to have dealt him a good hand. "I'd have to go get the officer."
The cat slunk out from under the chair swing. Her yellow eyes were in sharp contrast with her coal black fur. "She never stays in one place for long. A few hours at the most. I've been following them since the boy was taken." She sat and curled her tail perfectly around her paws. Contemplating him with her yellow eyes. Staring. "She won't be there much longer, I expect. If we go now, we might be able to hear where she's going next, or follow her there. Then you can bring your police friends in for the kill."
It was a cat.
His second instinct was not to trust it.
Any suggestions?
Bria- I really like this so far. one thing I'm confused about though is the out house. It seems really unbelievable that they would have an out house even if they were really poor. Is there another reason the boy would go outside? One thing I love though is how you personify the animals.
I can't wait for more!
Sorry about that, I should have clarified:
I set the story back a little bit - it's not modern times. It's more when people are just starting to get used to things like indoor plumbing and poor people owning cars instead of horses and buggies. Do you have any suggestions on how I could convey that idea to the reader? Also, I named the dog Shiloh for the moment. I want him to have a name more fitting to his character, so if you have any ideas for that, let me know.
Bria-
Depending on where these people live you could change the dialect to make it sound a bit older. Also, you could mention events that happened at the same time like the World's Fair or a president or something. I'm not quite sure how this would fit with your story, but maybe you could find somewhere to fit it in. Maybe, you could describe clothing too, like if you described the mother in a long empire waist dress, the reader would assume that story take place in the past.
About the name, I looked up some names that were popular then (I'm assuming you're setting this 1900-1910) and the ones I like for a dog were Willie, Jesse, Oscar and Sam. Here is the link if you want to take a look yourself: http://www.treetop100babynames.com/1000popularbabynames1904.html
Viewpoint from a police dog. The animals converse with each other. The police dog can help his partner (policeman) solve crimes by finding clues from the animals who witnessed the crime. One time a crook kidnaps the police dog because he figures out that the dog is the reason all the bad guys keep getting caught. The dog has to find a way to escape before the crook can do anything bad.
What I have so far:
Shadows spattered like ink under the red and gold of the autumn trees. Busily pursuing a nut, a squirrel slid up an almost leafless bough and retrieved an acorn. It scampered back down the trunk, headed for its stash of nuts, and practically landed on the dog that was sitting patiently below.
It was a huge German shepherd, black and tawny gold, tail curled precisely around its four paws and its ears tipped forward, focused on the squirrel. Tipping its black and gold head to one side, it said, "When was the last time you saw the Lawsens' little boy?"
The squirrel looked toward the white Victorian - style house, just visible through the trees.
"I remember distinctly being chased off of their front porch with a stick yesterday morning," it said. "The boy chased me. The older one. The little one was watching from behind."
The dog snorted.
"That's what you get for trying to steal their peanuts." He scratched behind his ear with a hind paw. "You seen him since then? The little one, I mean."
"No. He missing? There was such a commotion over there last night it woke me up all the way in my nest."
"Yeah. Apparently Mrs, Lawsen went in to check on the boys and he wasn't there. They share a room, too. It's hard to figure he could just disappear like that without his brother even noticing." The dog stood up. "Do you know where the owl stays during the day?"
"Hah. If I knew I still wouldn’t go near it."
The dog rolled his eyes and wove away through the trees.
Officer Frank Harrison was greatly perturbed.
The way the remaining family told there story, it was as if their youngest son had evaporated. Nothing had awakened his older brother during the night, though they shared a room upstairs. The parents hadn't heard anything from their room downstairs. The boys' bedroom showed no sign of a struggle. The family dog, sleeping on her fluffy pillow on the foyer, hadn't raised an alarm.
"When was the last time you saw him?" He asked Mr. and Mrs. Lawsen.
"After dinner when we tucked him in. Brian noticed that he wasn't in his bed when he woke up during the night. He couldn't find him anywhere in the house, so he tried the outhouse."
"Outhouse?"
"Yeah. We upgraded from a hole in the ground, but we don't have the money or time to move the facilities indoors just yet."
"Well, that opens up a whole new spectrum of possibilities. If you'll excuse me."
Harrison strolled back towards his car. He pulled a dog whistle from his pocket and discreetly blew into it. In a matter of minutes, the gold and black dog came trotting out of the trees and towards the car. Pretending to be looking through papers for the Lawsens' sake, he quickly informed the dog on the latest turn of events.
"They have an outhouse instead of an indoor bathroom," he explained. "The boy very well could have been picked up, that is to say, kidnapped, on his way either to or from the outhouse. That would explain why their dog didn't make a fuss, and why no one heard a commotion." The dog sat patiently, apparently listening. "I want you to go sniff around the outhouse. If his scent is there recently, I want you to let me know. Then I want you to go back and see if you can sniff out a potential suspect. Anyone's scent who doesn't live here. If you know them, even better. Get to work."
Harrison got out of the car, gave the dog a piece of jerky, and made his way back to where the Lawsens were standing.
After chewing on the jerky, Shiloh sniffed around the truck's wheels for any scraps before setting off at a lazy foxtrot. He made his way towards the back of the house, sniffing with vague interest at the various different plants lining the house. Turning the corner to the back of the house, he could see the outhouse down the yard a little ways, right up against the treeline. He trotted up the steps to the back door to sniff around, and was promptly attacked. His only warning was a scratching of claws on the planks before he got a facefull of claws and teeth. Yelping, he shook his head until the thing flew off. It bolted under the bench swing and stared at him with glowing yellow eyes.
It was a cat.
His first instinct was to eat it. But he had a job to do, and this cat might be able to help.
"Did you see the kidnapping?" He decided it was better to get to the point.
The cat relaxed almost imperceptibly. "So you're not on her side?"
This vaguely bothered Shiloh. "Her?"
"Yeah. The one who took the little boy."
"You saw her?"
"Yeah. I know where she is right now. She has the little boy… It's not far from here."
Shiloh stood still. Fate seemed to have dealt him a good hand. "I'd have to go get the officer."
The cat slunk out from under the chair swing. Her yellow eyes were in sharp contrast with her coal black fur. "She never stays in one place for long. A few hours at the most. I've been following them since the boy was taken." She sat and curled her tail perfectly around her paws. Contemplating him with her yellow eyes. Staring. "She won't be there much longer, I expect. If we go now, we might be able to hear where she's going next, or follow her there. Then you can bring your police friends in for the kill."
It was a cat.
His second instinct was not to trust it.
Any suggestions?
Bria- I really like this so far. one thing I'm confused about though is the out house. It seems really unbelievable that they would have an out house even if they were really poor. Is there another reason the boy would go outside? One thing I love though is how you personify the animals.
I can't wait for more!
Sorry about that, I should have clarified:
I set the story back a little bit - it's not modern times. It's more when people are just starting to get used to things like indoor plumbing and poor people owning cars instead of horses and buggies. Do you have any suggestions on how I could convey that idea to the reader? Also, I named the dog Shiloh for the moment. I want him to have a name more fitting to his character, so if you have any ideas for that, let me know.
Bria-
Depending on where these people live you could change the dialect to make it sound a bit older. Also, you could mention events that happened at the same time like the World's Fair or a president or something. I'm not quite sure how this would fit with your story, but maybe you could find somewhere to fit it in. Maybe, you could describe clothing too, like if you described the mother in a long empire waist dress, the reader would assume that story take place in the past.
About the name, I looked up some names that were popular then (I'm assuming you're setting this 1900-1910) and the ones I like for a dog were Willie, Jesse, Oscar and Sam. Here is the link if you want to take a look yourself: http://www.treetop100babynames.com/1000popularbabynames1904.html